Fucking Dog Shit Mother Fuckers.

February 20, 2015 by the helper | No Comments | Filed in Dog Shit

Fucking dog shit mother fuckers!

Why/How do dog shit mother fuckers think it’s acceptable to leave dog shit lying around on the street?

I am sick to death of seeing dog shit just left upon our streets for anybody to fall foul of.

Fucking dog shit everywhere!

It’s just inconsiderate, selfish and disgusting.

At what point in your existence do you become so embittered whit humanity that you must launch a dirty protest against the general community with your dogs faeces?





I’m not a dog shit Nazi, it’s fair fucks if it’s left some where I’m not going to stand in it. Or out and about in the country side.

It’s just when there’s dog shit on the street or in open spaces where kids play.

I’ve had enough!

It’s time to fight back against the dog shit mother fuckers!

I shall, when I’m witness to an act of a dog shit mother fucker; take a photo of the perpetrator and follow them to their door (at a distance so as not to draw attention to my self), where upon I shall take not of their address, go home and print the photo.

I’ll then do one of three things:

a) Go and collect the dog turd and leave it on their door step and pin the photo to their door for all to see.

2) Go and collect the dog shit and post it through their letter box along with the photo. (maybe a bit extreme).

c) Go to the offending pile of shit and draw round it with some chalk and leave the photo next to the offending pile of selfishness.

Obviously it’ll all depend upon my mood for vengeance at the time, but I say enough is enough!

Lets take back our streets and make the horrible dog shit mother fuckers think twice before they befoul the public spaces and potentially ruin our day.

That is all.




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Stupid Parents Suck.

February 10, 2015 by the helper | No Comments | Filed in Stupid

I am a parent and what really annoys me are the useless, fat, rude and stupid kids that other parents think is an acceptable out come of their parenting.

no exercise and shit food, is it just because you love them or is it just that you have no spine and crave an easy life at the expense of your offspring?

no exercise and shit food, is it just because you love them or is it just that you have no spine and crave an easy life at the expense of your offspring?

I’m not particularly arrogant but to see these children who can’t or won’t walk 50 meters, are given the choice to scoff down sweets and cakes over veg and fruit and don’t even know the words please and thank you exist makes me MAD!

I actively feel sorry for any child I see in a push chair that is over the age of 18 months, I mean what the fuck are their legs for? True, I may take a little longer to get from A to B but hey, all one must do is leave the house half an hour earlier and be patient with the wee one and you shall achieve your destination, you may even find that your child is better behaved due to the exercise of course you may also find your child to be a little sod ‘cose they’re knackered but all you have to do then is give them a hug and give them a kip.

And those fat little kids, who’s parents think it’s alright to feed them chocolate, sweets and crisps on a DAILY basis; WHAT THE FUCK? Why would you do that to your own child, do you hate them? What’s wrong with sweets once a week and fruit the rest of the time? If they kick off you simply say NO, “No you cannot have that, you will not have that and if you choose not to eat what I am providing you with, then you will starve!” Believe me when I say no matter how stubborn your child is, it doesn’t take long for them to start eating (no child can starve them self for more than a day)!

I could go on and on for pages and pages about other peoples short falls, but I realise the conceit that would or has already come across. It’s just the thoughtlessness of some people really makes me wonder if any consideration or effort has been put into the task of bringing up the children that they have shat out?!

I just wish people would think to them selves; what is the purpose of parent hood?

Is it to: bring a self thinking, self sufficient being that enjoys exercise and good food into the world?


Is it to: pander to their every need, not to let them make any mistakes, feed them shit because they want it and smother them in pseudo caring that stifles their development to the point where they think it’s normal to be fat, hate the outdoors and can’t survive without mummy or daddy telling them that they ARE clever and people do like them?

That Is All.

For now.

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Hello And Welcome To The I Helper.

February 2, 2015 by the helper | No Comments | Filed in Home
the i helper, here to help you through lifes nasty's

MKy big square head; packed full of helpful goodness.


I am the I Helper and although I look very much like a gormless metal twat, you can rest assured that within my enormous metal head there are things that you need to know!

Things like:

How to get rid of shit, like squirrels and rats. Or how to unblock your toilet cose you’ve crimped a little early and you’ve had to use 19 bog rolls to wipe your arse. Or unblocking drains, always smelly and always vomit inducing. Do you know how to wire a 3-way switch? I do.
Would you like to know how to pull? I can tell you.

Pretty much anything that has tried to bugger my blissful urban existence will be presented to you in the pages that I compile and hopefully provide you with the means necessary to eliminate them from your fleshy existence.

Thanks for having a look.



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